Duck Duck Cougar?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
