Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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