i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
