I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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