all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
