And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
