Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
