I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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