I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize