Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
