and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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