WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
