I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
