ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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