i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
