Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
