I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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