Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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