I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
