VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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