i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
