I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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