Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize