Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
