my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
