Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
