You smell like stripper and shame
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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