I love black thongs
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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