Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
