you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
