k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize