You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
