i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
