She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
