it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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