have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
