i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
