they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
