I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't deserve a penis
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
