If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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