sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
