I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
