we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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