I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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