considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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