It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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