You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
