This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
