you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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