Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
