Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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