Don't you send me to vm
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
