walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
