ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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