your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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