Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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