I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize