I must be too annoying 4 u.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
