i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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