my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
