the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
