I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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