grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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