do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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