I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
