if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
