Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize