im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
