End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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