Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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