ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
