So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
