I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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