I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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