Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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