i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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