I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
