here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm like, not good at living.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
