we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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