i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
