I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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