I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He better not be in your backpack
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
