Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
