now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
