He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
