One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
