i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
