I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
