I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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