Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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