Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
