Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
