you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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