i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
