You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dignity is for republicans.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
