oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
