You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
