We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize