When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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