i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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